


The Shattering of the Mind

by OMEGA1979



Series: The Signs that Yondu cares [15]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brain Surgery, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:12:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11239317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMEGA1979/pseuds/OMEGA1979
Summary: Yondu tries to make it right, but is it too late to save Peter from himself?Angst, and self harming in this chapter





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, I know I said new update in a month. But managed to put this together, this is bringing a lot of threads together, and is angst and tragedy.  
> Also the previous chapter which you have to read,to understand what happened. it’s called Walking to Oblivion

 

**The Shattering of the Mind**

**The Signs that Yondu Cares: Part 15**

 

The next morning there was an undercurrent of tension between the Elector’s Captain and First Mate, which everyone was picking up on and decided to keep quiet about.

Yondu came into the Mess Hall seeking coffee and had grabbed the metal cup which Peter had engraved for him, which he had called his Captain an “asshole” in a jovial manner. Yondu knew he had screwed up, and even though Kraglin was sitting next to him looking over the missions coming up, he didn’t speak to his Captain at all.

Both of them recalled the words from the night before, and for Yondu a distorted night’s sleep hadn’t really helped, he was still being investigated. He had been an absolute cruel bastard to Peter, and looking over the mess hall did not see the boy in his usual seat, though Alezduren was sitting next to where he always sat.

 “Where’s Peter?” he asked the hybrid, who only shrugged, “Must have slept in, had a bit of a rough day yesterday”. Since it wasn’t uncommon for Peter to rest for a good day after a fit which Yondu knew about, and decided to put it out of his mind.

When the teen was up and about they would have a talk, Yondu would finally take him to the beach and tell him everything; not about Ego, but a proper talk about what was on their minds.

Yondu played his emotions close to his chest, but he knew he had to speak to Peter and also make sure Kraglin didn’t think he was a total bastard.

Kraglin was a professional, and hopefully in a few days he would calm down, he promised himself, but for now, there was work to do. Kraglin did notice that his Captain had referred to Peter as his given name instead of “boy, or Quill”, right at least it was progress he thought to himself.

Sitting there looking at the crew, Kraglin couldn’t help but notice the smirk on Writusa’s face, as he shovelled food in his mouth like the guy thought something was funny.

God, what was it about that Darbien the managed to wind him up? Shit, he was a Ravager, his job was to tame assholes and stop them taking over, but there was something else about him which he didn’t like.

 

In the end, both Captain and First Mate went to the bridge and got to work, but looking over the camera’s Yondu noticed that Peter wasn’t to be seen, and for some reason that made him feel irritated, but he decided to look over beaches in the nearest veracity, good ones, and after pulling up several images of sand and lush shores, passed his pad over to Kraglin.

“Which one do you thinks the best?”, Yondu said to Kraglin, as the First Mate of the Ravagers just raised an eye, while Yondu explained.

“I’m taking Peter to the beach, the kid needs to get off the ship for a few days, thought it’s about time”.

Yondu tried to keep it nonchalant, but subconsciously he was seeking Kraglin’s approval since Yondu was apparently trying to do better, which pleased the Xandarian yet he managed not to show it.

In response Kraglin just shrugged in truth he could see the one he wanted, but he wanted Peter to choose which meant Yondu had to give him a choice and his Captains words still stung in his mind. Like hell was he going to make it easy for him.

 

For Yondu, he wasn’t stupid. He knew Kraglin wasn’t going to make it easy for him, but for once Yondu wouldn’t bitch. He would show he would do better, but now he had to talk it over with Peter.

Drumming his fingers on his console, waiting for the boy to emerge from his room, in the end, he just grew irritated and a little concerned, sent the kid a summons on his pad.

There was a ship’s tannoy, but Yondu decided not to call Peter’s name and draw attention to him, but under his headpiece, his senses begun to activate. Anyone looking closely would have seen small fireworks under the surface.

He knew something was wrong, he could just feel it. Peter hadn’t responded to in the end he turned to his First Mate

“Kraglin go check on Peter.” he requested to the Xandarian who got out of his chair and made his way down, to the crew decks.

But sitting there drumming his fingers on his chair, Yondu couldn’t help but feel disconcerted, and leaving the bridge to Horuz, made his way to the hanger bay. He didn’t know why, but for some reason, he felt like he needed to be down there.

 

The hanger bay was full of the crew putting their ships together, and doing repairs, it was a hub of organised chaos, so no one really paid that much attention to Yondu as he strode in, and they wouldn’t until he asked for their attention.

The Captain of the whole damn place made his war to Peter’s M-Ship, lying tragically on the deck, and stepping up to the cockpit door, noticed in the air, his senses heightened by his pathetic childhood noticed a familiar metallic scent, and realised that he was locked out.

 

At the same time, Kraglin was feeling pretty confident at his Captain, he was getting better. And hopefully this would help Peter to get better too, but entering Peter’s room, Kraglin could feel his enthusiasm fading, there was something wrong.  

He first noticed two things, one the bed was apparently not been slept in, since it was well made, and the red coat of the Ravagers was folded on the back of a chair.

Feeling concerned about the boy’s lack of presence, Kraglin checked the bathroom in case Peter had passed out on the floor, but nothing.

It was then he noticed his pad, lying on the desk, and curiosity overrode Kraglin who flicked it on and saw the last thing recorded, and the first thing he played,

And then, with the flickering screen, and the words of Peter Jason Quill, caused everything in Kraglin’s body to freeze.

 

While this was occurring, Yondu having grown concerned tried to activate the control pad, but there was no response, so he hastily summoned Alezduren, who was currently working on an engine over to him. “There’s some override, just sort it out would you”, Yondu demanded, while the hybrid pulled out his screwdriver and went to work on the controls.

It was good, a very mechanical switch since Alezduren had helped Peter repair the lock, he also knew the kill switch, and after a few seconds, which felt longer to Yondu. The door opened finally, and Yondu stepped inside.

 

There was a metallic scent in the air, getting stronger, and something in Yondu’s mind began to race.

“Peter…Peter”, Yondu called out his name leaving Alezduren at the door, he walked through the M-Ship, following that scent trying to deny to himself what it was.

At the same time, Kraglin voice came in urgently on his communicator, “What is it I’m bu…”, Yondu snapped, but Kraglin’s voice broke in because he could finish.

 

“It’s Peter, he left a note for you. It’s said…”

 

Whatever Kraglin was saying, Yondu’s mind refused to register, as he could see the bloody arm hanging off the newly restored Captain’s chair of the M-Ship and the pool of red blood dripping slowly on the metal floor, next to the dagger that was drenched in Peters blood.

 

**Oh God No**

**To be continued, and this is the calm before the storm.**

**Angst to follow**

**Please review**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, right I know so many of you have left awesome comments which I need to get back too, but I wrote this in a night and I’m about to go on holiday. So I will be offline for a week, please consider this new chapter my gift, and I’ll get back to everyone when I get back and i apoligise now for any typos xx

**The Shattering of the Mind**

**Chapter 2**

 

Immediately Yondu dashed over to the chair, and turned it towards him, trying desperately to calm down.

“Oh fuck”, he whispered to himself, seeing the extent of the blood which had covered Peter’s jumper and was now black and hardened. Peter had cut his wrists, but badly, not knowing how to cut the veins, he had just hacked into his wrists.

Yondu could see the gaping wounds admits the dried blood. Some had splashed onto Peter’s face and, some was even in his hair.

Panicking Yondu get closer, noticing his shallow face and the hint of blue on his lips which were slightly parted. He was still alive, but fuck, what…when!

“Peter, Peter” Yondu said quickly trying to get a reaction from the boy, but nothing and Yondu reached out to touch his skin aware at how icy the teenager felt.

From the expression on his face, he looked like he was sleeping as if he had cut his wrists, which should have been so painful and gone to sleep.

“Oh fucking hell, kid”, Yondu muttered, stepping over the hardened blood on the floor and carefully picked the teenager up,

there was no response, there was nothing. There was so much blood on the floor, and he had done that. He had cut his wrists.

“Just hold on Peter”.

In the real world, this only took seconds, but felt like minutes, as he managed to maneuverer Peter into his arms, there was nothing, no movement or reaction to let him know Peter with that shallow face and blue lips could feel any of this. If Yondu had the time, he could have had the sense to cover the teen up, but he didn’t.

 

Sending an order for Kraglin to meet them in the med bay, Yondu rushed out of the door and noticed Alezduren just standing there, his jaw dropping at the sight of Peter drenched in his own blood.

“Alezduren, come with me now”.

With that both Ravagers rushed out of the derelict M-Ship, the sound of their boots on the deck catching the attention of every Ravager who instantly downed tools at the sight of their captain, the hybrid and the blood encrusted body of Peter Jason Quill, looking like death in the Captain’s arms.

Yondu ignored them, but instantly speculation began, what had happened? Was it a fit? Peter was well liked by the Hanger Crews because he was such a hard worker, but what the hell had happened?

 Yondu knew from the moment he left the M-Ship with the kid, everyone would want to know, but screw them.

By this point Alezduren their field medic and expert of Terran physiology had cut in front of Yondu and get to the Med Bay, instantly barking orders at the medics to start synthesising Peter’s blood, while Kraglin made it to them, as Yondu was carefully laying the teenager down.

For now, all Yondu could do was stand there, but everyone noticed his face looked pale, his blue face had all the blood drained from it, which gave the appearance of a dusky hue.

Kraglin took in the teen and just inhaled sharply, he knew Peter was depressed, everyone could see it, but this, oh my god what had he done to himself?

Still holding the pad, he passed it to Yondu who refused to take it. “You have to read this”, he informed his Captain who was just staring at the teen, finally mumbling “I’ll look later", as wordlessly both of them watched Alezduren get to work on Peter.

The hybrid even with his youth knew exactly what to do, and pulled out a tray of needles and syringes.  “The cuts have dried over, but we need to oxygenate him, and replace the blood” which Yondu could see beginning to be synthesised in the blood banks.

He knew that Terran needed about five litres of blood to be able to survive, and there was so much blood on the floor of his M-Ship, how much was that?

 

Yondu rubbed his face with his hands, still standing with Kraglin. Both of them thinking the same thing.

Why, why didn’t he come to Yondu for help or anyone, but both of them knew the answer to that and Yondu began to feel very twisted inside.

“I need to cut these clothes off", Alezduren informed the pair, causing Kraglin to fetch the scissors for the delicate removal of the jumper which made Yondu silently step forward and take them from the Xandarian.

He had done, caused this, he knew that at least he could do something for the unresponsive teen.

Carefully Yondu took the material while Kraglin pulled Peter’s boots off gently followed by this trouser until he was clad only in his boxers on the lower half. The blood had dried so hard, but Yondu was being careful, which no one commented on.

 With each movement of the scissors, Yondu felt more wretched inside. Peter was only fourteen, yet he had got to the point he wanted to end his life, Yondu knew how close he was to it if he hadn’t had come in and found him.

Pulling back the material of the jumper caused Yondu’s hand to shake upon seeing Peter’s skin, and he backed off, sharing a look with Kraglin, his eyes saying everything he couldn’t which Kraglin understood, as he came over and finished the job Yondu couldn’t and realised why.

For Yondu this felt like the first time he was really seeing Peter, really seeing everything he had dismissed about the kid, very time Kraglin had mentioned how pale he looked, every time Alezduren had suggested taking him to a healer.

Yondu just felt useless, so he stood back, and though Kraglin never said anything, his expression said everything.

Carefully removing the blood-blackened jumper off Peter and dumping it in the bin, Alezduren was still working getting the blood into the teen, almost willing him to respond to something, but all three of them were talking it in what Peter had been hiding for so long.

Peter’s eyes were shut, his cheekbones so deep, it looked skeletal. On his chest and shoulders why could see the outlines of his bones and ribs, and that stomach looking so sunken.

Peter looked so young, yet so old at the same time and Yondu couldn’t help it. But he had to be sure, as he raised his hands and gently touched Peter so cold skin, and the marks on his body covering his entire arms where he had been cutting himself.

Some looked healed over, like raised scars, but some were newer, redder. Peter had been cutting himself.

“I didn’t know about this”, Alezduren strutted, but for him, he had realised Peter was ill, but he should have done something earlier, but all their faces registered the same thought, but Yondu had to chime in.

“No one did”, he finally supplied. And no one did because Peter had managed to hide it from everyone, it all made sense.

The long jumpers, even when it was hot, the way he instantly grabbed himself, it wasn't just for comfort, but a way to hide it.

Alezduren ignored the scars, since they were not a priority, and got to work on Peter’s arms. Fixing the gaping wound erasing all trace of them, but no one could pretend it hadn’t happened

Yondu needing to do something so got a washcloth and gently cleaned Peter’s blood splattered face, wiping the dried blood from his body, feeling how small and thin Peter felt like he could disappear from existence in a second.

It didn’t take long, so all they could do was watch their field medic do his thing, and just look at the teenager.

There as some flash of life returning to his skin, which for some reason made the scars seem brighter, and he appeared to be breathing easier. But it wasn’t perfect, and if he was reading their minds, Alezduren spoke up, while double checking the blood going into his veins.

“I have to put it back gently, or the shock will be too much, he’s hydrated and getting oxygen. His vitals are good but…”. There was nothing more he could say after that. Peter would wake up from this, but he wasn’t ok, and Yondu wanted to be out of the room, but he wanted to stay. But what more could he do, but wait?

“He left a message for me Kraglin?” he finally asked the First Mate, noticing that his own voice sounded at it was distanced from his body somehow.

Kraglin who just nodded and passed him the pad. He had seen it, he had questions, but he couldn’t act on them without Yondu’s orders.

Taking the pad from Kraglin, Yondu activated the screen and watched Peter sitting on his bed, looking so forlorn and desperate, the same darkness under his eyes which was still etched on his still alive face.

With each word, Yondu felt more wretched, Peter felt useless, and hated himself, and didn’t want Writusa to hurt him.

These words got Yondu attention and made him feel some emotion. What the fuck did Writusa have to do with this?

The video continued, and Peter seemed to get sadder with each passing line.

_“All my money is yours, but then again you always kept it and never gave me any”._

No he didn’t Peter had an account, he knew that, like every member of the crew, Yondu had placed Peter's winnings in it the night before, he knew that…fuck didn’t he know that?

 

 _“Just forgive me and forget me.””_ Peter offered a small smile, perhaps to ease Yondu’s conscience, and the screen flicked off. He didn’t want Yondu to feel bad, even though Yondu did.

What type of bastard was Yondu to let this happen? Peter was fourteen, and his reasonability, why had he let this happen?

Feeling slightly disoriented, Yondu passed the pad to Kraglin and let his eyes meet his First Mates.

For now, they couldn’t help Peter, He was still on a biobed oblivious to the world around him. The same way that Yondu up to this point had been oblivious to his plight. But there was something they could do.

“Alezduren, contact me when he changes, Kraglin come with me”. His voice twisted and his face in a grim line, Yondu made his way to the door followed by Kraglin, he had no idea what was going on, but he was going to find out what the fuck Writusa’s part in all of this was.

 

**To be continued**

**Please review, it’s so encouraging**

**I love you all xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, right I know everyone has been awesome leaving me encouragement and great comments, my dissertation is going well and this is the latest chapter…and someone is going to get it.

**The Shattering of the Mind**

**Chapter 3**

When Yondu and Kraglin left the room, all Alezduren could do was brush his hands through the boy’s scraggly hair, Peter was still unconscious, but there was some flickering of is eye lids indicating he was coming back to the real world.

“I’m sorry this happened to you Peter, but I’m going to try to help you” he promised the teenager, who was just oblivious to all this.

 

All aboard the Elector, the entire ship it seemed was talking about Peter, he was such a hard worker, and most of them had seen him grown from a scrawny boy of eight, to well a hardworking Ravager of fourteen.

They were all aware of how little he looked and with his fit’s and general unhappiness, also hadn’t gone unnoticed.

All they knew was their Captain had rushed him from, his M-Ship, he was caked in blood, and unconscious. In fact, he looked pale, well paler than normal. Eventually most came to a conclusion was that he had had a fit, fell and cut himself on something. The alternative was he had attempted to take his life.

Horuz was the second mate of the Elector, but even though he was dismissive of the teenager, preferring to call him “cargo”, obviously not to anyone’s face, even he was concerned. Everyone knew Peter came back different, but suicide, did he really have it in him to do something like that?

 

 

Writusa had heard the news of Peter’s collapse, but at the time wasn’t bothered. Shit, the little sod fitted all the time, it changes nothing. Going about his duties, he managed to put the rest of the Ravager’s concerns out of his mind. Which proved to be difficult, since everyone was worried and Peter was the talk of the day.

In the end, Writusa just grew bored and disappeared down to the mess hall, hell he needed a beer, to get himself fortified, and when Peter was better, he would take him, just as he promised the teen he would.

The Darbien couldn’t resist the chuckle on his at the thought of the skinny little shit, and what he would do, even the though made his balls throb. Whores were one thing, but a kid like Peter, he would get a damn good education.

Reaching for the fridge to grab a beer, he didn’t see Yondu coming in followed by Kraglin, or the silence that followed by the rest of the crew.

The only thing he felt, was the sound of Yondu’s fist coming into contact with the back of his head, causing the Darbien to fall to the floor.

The sight of Yondu coming through the deck and the pissed off look on his face had grabbed the attention of most of the Ravagers who had piled in behind their Captain, even though they didn’t know why.

“You sick bastard, you absolute fuck. What were you going to do with him?”

Writusa only stared back in response and scrambled to his feet. Shit, but he could get out of this, and just decided to plead ignorance.

“Who the hell are you talking about?” he tried to keep his face nonchalant, however, Yondu saw through it in a second, and a hush went over the rest of the Ravagers. They knew he was talking about Peter, but had he done to Peter?

“Peter’s lying in a med bay because of you. What were you going to do with him?” Yondu roared, causing the Darbien to back up and he could almost feel his balls shrivel inside of him in fear. He had seen Yondu pissed off, but not like this.

The Captain eyes just blazed, as he ripped off his red coat and let it fall to the floor, with everyone noticing the Yaka arrow in his belt quivering.

“I was going to do nothing with him”, which earned him another punch to the face before he could put his arms up and Writusa staggered back once more.

“You fucking liar, what were you going to do with him”.

Writusa knew he was screwed, but what the fuck. What did he have to lose now?

“Why the fuck do you care anyway, Yondu? Why care about him now. Everyone knows you don’t give two shits about that kid”.

Tension immediately begun to emerge amongst the Ravagers as the Darbien was voicing the thoughts, they had all thought aloud or otherwise about the teenager, which severely displeased the already pissed Captain.

“Just shut the hell up Writusa and answer my damn question. What were you going to do to Peter?”. Yondu said through gritted teeth.

To this Writusa just laughed, “Oh please concern from you, no matter what I was going to do with him, you’ve done worse. What type of bastard sells a kid’s virginity? What kind of person just ignores all those fits? Taking the moral high ground. You’re just a fucking hypocrite, and you know it. All this is just for show, and isn’t that the truth”.

These was an uneasy silence at this point because everyone knew Writusa bastard or not was right about this. Even Yondu knew it, but he just shifted his body at the truth emitting from the Darbien’s mouth.

“That kid, you put him in the red over me, and he didn’t even want it. Didn’t even want to have sex, but you never cared about that did you?”

Kraglin not wanting the rest of the crew, to hear this, even though they all thought it, decided to chime in.

“He didn’t” Kraglin stated which made Yondu turn to his First Mate, struggling to understand what he had said.

“Peter never had sex with her, Alezduren paid her off to save her repetition, but they did nothing together. She lied to you because she had too. Peter’s still a virgin”.

Yondu just blinked, unable to believe what he was hearing, his own first mate and the hybrid hacker had done that.

“I was going to tell you later, last night wasn't the right time,” Kraglin said, and looked away since both of them knew the reality of Kraglin’s statement.

But both of them noticed a sigh of relief at this information on the face of the rest of the Ravagers, but Yondu’s fury just blazed, and he rounded once more on Writusa, putting this information and what was in Peter’s message together, and knew it was about this, from what Writusa was saying it couldn’t be anything else.

“But you knew he hadn’t…so what were you going to do with him.”

There was a silence which caused Yondu to grab the Darbien and throw him against a bulkhead.

“Just answer me”, Yondu demanded which caused Writusa just to grin sadistically

“I was going to fuck him, I was going to have him, and there was nothing you would have done about it.”

Yondu was just silent digesting this information while the Darbien continued.

We all know about that rile you have, no one can touch him, no one can abuse me. But you’ve abused him. So I thought that rule didn’t apply since you’ve fucked him up in the head. So I was going to teach him a lesson. Hell, give him more attention that you’ve shown in since I’ve been here”.

It was a harsh statement, and perhaps Writusa was concussed enough to just start babbling. “So yeah I was going to have him because even if I did, you would care! You’ll probably give me a promotion and just ignore him. Like you’ve been doing for so long.”

Writusa took a breath at this statement

“You’re the worst type of person Yondu, and just a hypocrite and you know that don’t you?” as Writusa finished, he just spat blood to the floor.

“So just kill me already, but you know I’m right. What type of Captain are you anyway? Because Peter could’ve come to you at any times, but even I knew he wouldn’t”.

 

Yondu just absorbed Writusa’s words, he knew he was right. He was aware that he had failed in protecting Peter, how he had pushed the kid away until he had got to this point. That was Yondu’s fault, but Writusa was on a roll and know couldn’t shut up.

“So fuck that kid, and you know something fuck you too You know I was talking to the other Ravager Clans about you, and they all think you’re a joke. A stupid joke, who failed at everything in…”

That was it, Yondu had had it.

He was sick of this, the situation, for everyone who had damaged Peter, for failing to protect him.

In any other circumstance, he would have used his Yaka arrow quivering in his belt. But fuck that, that was just too easy.

Writusa from the startled look in his eye didn’t even register his Captain, throwing himself at him, and both men falling to the deck.

Every single one of the Ravagers just took a step back, death was a part of their lives, but no one said anything. Writusa deserved it, and everyone knew it.

Yondu just rained blow after blow on Writusa’s head, and face, the sounds of cracking teeth could be heard, and blood, red but brighter than Peter’s began to spill from his mouth.  Followed by the sounds of his skull cracking, the fragile bones moving under the surface of the skin.

For Ravagers, this was graphic as Writusa, tried to move a hand up. To try to fight off Yondu but it was futile, and his hand fell back to the deck with a thud.

Yondu just rained down until his own hands were bloody but did not care, and no one else did. So close to Writusa chest she could see the chest slowing down, and death was coming and inevitable. But even that was too easy.

Yondu could feel Writusa’s legs twitching, as he opened his hands, and pressed both thumbs into the Darbien’s eyes.

Writusa tried to scream, his legs twitching beneath Yondu's whose expression never changed as he dug deeper, feeling the man's eyes disintegrating under the force of Yondu's weight, as he pressed deeper.

 

Blood now pouring from his eye sockets, his broken mouth gasping for air, Yondu gripped his eight fingers to the side of Writusa’s face and pressed further with all his strength, without warning and without mercy.

For the Ravagers they were shocked by all this, just the sheer brutality of their Captain increasing his full anger on the Darbien, as Writusa brain exploded from the back of his skull. This caused his brain matter to shower over the floor and splash up at Yondu, who didn't stop until the Darbien finished twitching.

That was it the bastard was dead.

 

His body stained with the blood of the now expired crewmember, Yondu his blood lust fading and pulled himself to his feet.

Yondu’s world was returning to normal and saw his crew just looking at him and the dead Writusa on the deck.

“All his money goes to Quill, every damn unit of it” He stated to Kraglin who just nodded. Fuck Yondu needed a drink and a god damned shower.

He could feel Writusa blood on his body, and his words in his ears. He had killed the bastard. But the bastard was right, while Horuz just took a step forward.

“Captain, what is going on?”

The words sounded all over the place, and Yondu tried to calm down and to dull his senses, which caused Kraglin to speak up. He had remained silent for so long, but Kraglin knew what to say, and for once was honest about it.

“Look Peter’s sick, that’s all I can say. But we’re going to help him and sort it out…but it is serious.”

Concern was etched on the Ravagers face, Peter was well-liked, and a hard worker and they all knew he had been going through some shit for a very long time.

“Will he be all right”. Asked Horuz, his face full of concern.

“We don’t know right now, but we…”

Kraglin never got a chance to finish that sentence as Alezduren urgent voice came over the ships tannoy, followed by s second voice. It was weak and raspy, but everyone knew who it was, and felt very troubled at the words being said.

“Yondu get back here, right now”, followed by a second voice

“You bastards, why did you bring me back, why did you bring me back?

 

**To be continued**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi all, well dissertation is going well and decided to cobble this together, because i feel really bad i haven't had the time to read fics, let alone finish this.  Thanks to everyone for the support and patience at this time. Hope you all like it xx**

**As expected angst…lots of angst.**

**The Shattering of the Mind**

**Chapter Four**

Yondu and Kraglin, the former who was still dripping in Writusa’s blood, raced to the Med Bay, to find the place in a sorry state and Peter conscious, but delirious.

For Alezduren Laeriz everything was going so well. He had reattached the nerves in Peter’s left hand. his blood was almost replenished, and there was more colour on his face and was about to work on the right hand when Peter work up.

It happened too quickly for Alezduren to take in. One second Peter was on the bed, then his eyes opened, and now he was standing in the middle of the room.

Blood was seeping down his arms when he had pulled on the tubes, and his left hand, he had a scalpel, he had grabbed from the surgery tray.

“Don’t come near me…just don’t come near me” he screamed at the hybrid, who just took a step back.

Peter’s voice was raspy from the blood lost, but then Yondu walked in, and he froze at the sight of his Captain and the second mate.

 

Kraglin just gave a sharp intake of breath at the teenager, who looked so pale and sick, but the scalpel was glistening in his hands, and Yondu attempted to take the air of authority, “Peter, just put the knife down”.

It was his sternest voice, but it had the opposite effect of Peter, who gave his Captain a tormented look and placed it against his neck.

“You should, have let me die. Why did you bring me back Yondu why did you bring me back?” Peter screamed and swayed on his feet for a moment still slightly delirious from the lack of blood.

“Peter just put the knife down, we can talk about this.” Yondu said to which Peter just shook his head, “No we can’t. You don’t care, you don’t care”.

Peter was rambling now, and Yondu felt a stab of desperation in his chest and the scars he had inflicted on his body.  
“I care about you, Peter…now put the knife down”.

Peter just shook his head and pressed the knife in harder. “No, you don’t. Die tomorrow…you said that I could die tomorrow. But it is tomorrow, and you brought me back, you sick bastard”.

Peter shrieked at his Captain throwing his words back at him, words Yondu didn’t know Peter had heard until that moment and felt worse inside, so decided to be honest.

“I said that…I was drunk, and I was wrong…I don’t want you to hurt yourself”. To which Peter just laughed bitterly

“Hurt myself, I hurt myself, and it doesn’t hurt. It hasn’t hurt for months.”

To illustrate this Peter drew the blade across his opposite shoulder but his expression never changed. “it doesn’t hurt I cut myself, I cut myself deeply. And it doesn’t hurt, it never hurts…Nothing hurts”.

“Peter please put the knife down”, unable to take his eyes off Peter’s blood dripping off it.

“Peter, please we can talk about this”. Alezduren pleaded from the other side of the room, and Peter’s frustration and agony manifested itself.

“Can’t talk to you, you didn’t want me. I woke up, and you didn’t want me, I said something, and it went wrong. I heard your voice, and you didn’t want me”. It had been so many months since Peter had come back from the dead, but that was when this all started.

“I couldn’t come to you, couldn’t. You didn’t care, the voice told me, tells me. The man tells me his voice over and over again. You tell me I’m useless and you never want to talk to me, never care about me, Because I’m so bad, and useless and pathetic and a nothing.”

.

These were words all of them had heard before for the boy, refereeing to an event two years ago, when he had been abducted for weeks then found, However, Peter was now on a tangent, but  Yondu had to say something. “I don’t think that about you, Peter.”

“Then why did you stop; why did you stop. why don’t you care?”

“We all care about you, Peter”. Alezduren interjected, but Peter wasn’t having it and sweat was now pouring off his body and intermixing with the blood.

“But he doesn’t” Tears were springing to Peter’s eyes, “You lied to me, you lied to me, Writusa was going to hurt me”.

“Writusa’s dead,” Yondu said directly, and Peter seemed to take in the blue blood on his Captain’s blue skin.

“I watched your message, and know what he was going to do to you, so I killed him. I know the truth about last night too. We can forget about it.”

Even though Yondu still had to face the consequence of that night with the clans, but this wasn’t the right time, to be even thinking about that.

“He’s not dead, he can’t be dead”. Peter stated more to himself and looked at Kraglin for confirmation.

“He is, Peter look I’ve never lied to you”, Kraglin stepped in, and from the look on both their faces, Peter knew he was telling the truth, and turned back to Yondu, a look of confusion now on his pale face.

“You really did that, why you don’t care about me. You don’t care about last night; you don’t care about me”.

“Peter I care, just put the knife down…I’ll give you anything you want”.

Peter’s knees began to give way for a second but recovered himself. “What I want, I don’t know what I want. Want you then I don’t, love you and hate you. Want to stay and want to run…but you won’t let me go”.

Peter exhaled and took a shaky breath “You don’t want me, and I…I. I don’t know.”

Peter was still openly sobbing while Yondu tried to collect his words carefully. “Peter please we’re going to help you”.

“You can’t help me Yondu, you just can’t I’m nothing. Nothing. Cut’s to feel, but feels nothing…You made me nothing.”

Peter took another breath and said with truthful words, “Worked so hard, and I’m still a nothing, nothing to you. What did I do Yondu…why do you hate me?”

The words stung Yondu for a moment, and Alezduren and Kraglin exchanged looks at Peter’s mind being laid bare.

“Peter I don’t hate you”.

“Yes you do, yes you do...I’m a disgrace, discarded and not wanted. You don’t want me; you take everything from me” Peter openly wept.

“Peter, look I don’t hate you. I know I’ve screwed this up, but put the knife down and we can talk about it”. Yondu stated, hated how desperate his boy sounded. No not his boy, his crewman, but that issue hung in the air for a moment.

“No, can’t talk. Never talk. We used to talk. You were nice and taught me things. How to hunt, how to shoot…then you didn’t…didn’t care about me. What did I do Yondu, what did I do wrong?” Peter seemed to be begging his Captain for an answer, which Yondu struggled to reply for a moment, and he closed his eyes and took a breath to try to compose himself.

“You did nothing Peter. I treated you wrong, I know that now. Just put the blade down, and we can talk about it”. He said once more, but it had no effect on the teenager.

“Liar, you liar…I did everything for you, what you desired…Planned your missions, but you didn’t care. Made your beer…Worked so hard for you, and you didn’t care” The tears were running down Peter’s face and were dripping to the floor.

“I did everything you wanted, but you never asked me what I wanted. Did you…Did you?”.

“What is it that you want Peter?”

The words seemed so foreign to Peter, he just blinked for a moment trying to take in Yondu’s words.

“I don’t know…I don’t know. I just want it to stop, and it won’t. It gets louder taunting me, telling me one thing, and it hurts so much, that voice that gets louder telling me one thing over and over again. And it hurts, I try to stop it. But it hurts so much” Peter sobbed while Yondu took a tentative step forward.

“Peter, just tell me…what does that voice say?”

Peter was gasping clearly fatigued from the lack of blood, and the stress his body was under, tried to form the words.

“I can’t, I can’t tell you…you won’t care,” he told his Captain, who took one more step forward.

“Yes you can, you can tell me…you know that”.

“I can’t kill my father…I can’t kill you Yondu” Peter screamed at his Captain, desperately and drew the blade across his throat, causing blood to drip down his neck.

“No”, all three of them screamed in unison, while dashing over to the boy, who dropped the blade as his eyes rolled back in his head, he fell to the floor with a thud and began to convulse violently.

 

All three of them, fell to their knees, Yondu throwing the scalpel he had tried to slit his throat with, away from him.

Peter’s body was twitching, and Yondu felt a stab of emotion in his chest, he had done this, he had done all of this, and it made him feel so wretched, while after a few minutes Peter’s body stopped its movement and his head lolled to the side.

His breath was faint and raspy, and even though the wound on his neck wasn’t deep enough to cut into the jugular, it was deep enough to blood profusely.

Alezduren was about to grab a sterile strip to stem the blood flow when Kraglin grabbed his arm.

“What the fuck is that?” Kraglin said, and all of them, looked at the ripple which was emitting under his skin, beginning from the neck. Silently all of them managed to lift Peter onto his side and together grew a breath.

There under his skin, which felt warm, was like something was emitting from under it, starting from the neck, and moving all around him. All of them watch in horror as the symbols appeared, travelling down his body, but like it was coiling out from his neck.

“He scratches his neck a lot”, Alezduren stated and everyone nodded, they just thought it was a habit he had picked up, the year earlier.  Yet all of them could feel it as if something was embedded in his neck.

“But what the fuck is it?” Yondu asked Peter had scans regularly, so what the hell was in there.

Peter still unconscious, the eyes of the Captain and First Mate went to Alezduren, their hybrid hacker and field medic for answers, who was just trying to take it all in.

“There from his father’s world”, which caused a quick reaction in the others

Both Yondu and Kraglin know what these symbols were, but Alezduren didn’t...he couldn’t, no one else knew.

“How the fuck do you…” Yondu demanded an explanation, while brushing his hand over Peter’s still unconscious head, as Alezduren for to his feet and seemed to be looking side to side for a moment. Just taking in the stricken Peter and those markings, which disappeared beneath the surface of his skin.

“Alezduren, what the hell is going on?”, Kraglin asked, and both of them watch the hybrid, bit his lip nervously showing his actual age before he swallowed and then recovered himself.

“I can explain everything”, he said to his Captain, who after passing Kraglin a sterile strip instructing the Xandarian to start patching up the wound and to get him back to the med bed, while Yondu got to his feet. When Alezduren opened up his personal screen and tapped in a code.

“I’m sorry Yondu”, he turned to his Captain, before the screen flickered into life, and a familiar face which Yondu hadn’t seen in seven years and had never wanted to see again came into view. Which caused Yondu to react with shock and his eyes narrowed at the hybrid while Alezduren just cleared his throat.

“Auntie, I am sorry to bother you, but it’s urgent. Peter needs your help right now.”

 

 

**Oh, the mystery of Alezduren is finally coming to light.**

**Also, you may have to read the other chapters to get an idea of what is going on.**

**To be continued, and please review.**

**It encourages me**

**I love you all**

**Xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, well here it is, Chapter 5. I just handed in my dissertation, and was finally able to write this. Some notes at the bottom. And here we go.

 

The Shattering of the Mind: Chapter Five

Yondu just stared in disbelief at the face which appeared on the screen, it had been six years, six sodding years since he had taken Peter to her to be healed, but she still held the same contempt on her face.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me”, he muttered and run a hand over his face mentally glancing at her and Alezduren and putting everything together.

“Auntie, Peter’s really bad, it looked like something’s been placed under his skin, and I’m sending you over the information right now.”

Alezduren flicked a few keys on his pad, and all three of them heard them being received, and the Kree’s eyes just widened. “What the hell, Alezduren, you never told me about this?” Immediately she passed the information to an assistant who Yondu thought he recognised, and her jaw just stopped, and taking the information she raced out of the room.

“I didn’t know, seriously we’ve just seen them, Peter was hiding them, was hiding everything…you have to believe me, I just didn’t know”. Alezduren stated, almost desperately

She just shook her head for a moment, yet managed to compose herself. “Fine, just get him to me, straight away.”

“Can you help him?”, Yondu spoke up, while Kraglin just wore a look of confusion on his face, and stepped over to monitor Peter, whose breath was still so sallow. But he still responded when Kraglin run his hand gently over the boy’s hair, just letting the conversation between the Kree and the Ravagers continue without him. Kraglin he had no idea who that woman was, but everyone else did, and she was directing her rage and Yondu and Alezduren.

“Why the hell do you care, Yondu. tell me how the fuck you let this happen?” she Kree demanded of the Captain, who was stunned for a moment.

Yondu just clenched his hands for a moment, but released them, but felt himself seething inside. “Fine, I let this happen, but can you help him or not?” He asked, notching how desperate he sounded, but just didn’t care.

She just exhaled and looked away for a moment, before composing herself. She had all of Peter’s information, but Yondu caught the look of uncertainty on her face. “Yondu, just get him to me, but if you don’t. Peter could die very soon,”.

Kraglin’s eyes were just glancing between the pair, but he remained silent while the Kree sent over some information.

“You may need to sedate him, but this may help for the journey”, she stated, not before throwing a look of contempt, not at Yondu, but at Alezduren. “And you, you have a lot of explaining to do. Do you realise that?”

Alezduren looked away for a moment, while Yondu let his anger grow once more “I’ll get him to you as soon as I can”, he promised the Healer, who once looked at the Captain of the Ravagers with the familiar look of contempt on her face. “You know; I really should have kept that boy. You know that don’t you?”.

“There’s a lot I know now, which I didn’t”, was all he could say just wanting to get that bitch off the screen and deal with the still unconscious teenager, but the Healer, just scoffed.

“Pathetic answer, and you” she directed her ire towards Alezduren, “You have no idea what I am going to do with you, I am so ashamed of you, and so will your mother be”.

“Fan-sodding-tastic”, Alezduren mumbled to himself, while they watched the Healer begin to bark orders off screen to someone, and the channel turned off.

There was a moment of silence in the Med Bay, before Alezduren felt himself being pushed hard into a bulkhead, and managed to turn around to see the venom in Yondu’s red eyes. But Yondu gripped the hybrid around the throat, he wasn’t going to waste the arrow, but he could have ripped the little shit’s neck apart if he wanted to.

“Alezduren Laeriz, yeah. Alezduren bloody Laeriz. That’s bullshit, isn’t it? It’s Raziel, your name is Alezduren Raziel isn’t it? All this fucking time, you sack of shit”. Yondu wasn’t yelling, because of Peter, who still wasn’t looking right, but he wanted to, oh dear god he wanted to.

“Alezduren Raziel, I should have known”.

“Yondu, what the hell is going on?” Kraglin whispered while Peter jerked suddenly, perhaps the tension in the room was enough to cut into his twisted psyche.

Everyone was quiet for a moment waiting to see who would be the first to speak, but Alezduren was struggling to find the words, causing Yondu to fill in the gaps.

“That Healer, the one Alezduren was just talking to his “Auntie”” Yondu spat the last word “Is the Healer I took Peter too six years ago when he was sick with…what the hell was that called again?”

“Meningitis” both Alezduren and Kraglin said at the same time, and Kraglin left Peter’s side and joined his Captain, the same look of fury on his face.

“So you know, you’ve always fucking known, what he is, haven’t you? Now so much makes sense, your field medic training completed so quickly, why you got attached to that kid…what the fuck were you? You sent by her, to keep an eye on him? was that it?”

 

Alezduren managed to swallow, but at least had the balls to look his Captain square in the eyes. “Yes, I was”.

“Damn you”, Yondu said but released his grip on the hybrids throat, “Just damn you Alezduren, you stupid son of a whore”. Shaking his head, Yondu went over to Peter, both to check his vital signs and just to try to calm down, but Kraglin stepped forward.

“Alezduren, just tell me everything”. The difference between Kraglin and Yondu was that Kraglin knew the hybrid intimately, they were close, and Kraglin couldn’t help but feel betrayed by all this.

“All the times we fucked and you were concerned about Peter, what the hell weren’t you telling me?”

Alezduren looked at Kraglin, and both of them caught the look in his eyes, and how vulnerable he looked but neither of them cared, while the hybrids lips parted

“Ok, ok, I’ll tell you everything. I was turned down for both the Nova Corps and the Kree Empire, they both said they didn’t care that I was a hybrid, but they changed their minds. My life was so shit, and I was getting desperate. Then my aunt called me, told me the Ravagers were in the area, and I may as well try my luck with them. I was nineteen, and my life was going nowhere, and all I wanted to do was leave my planet and enjoy the stars, I didn’t even care that I needed to become a criminal to do it…Besides I was a hacker, I was already a criminal, I just never got caught”.

“Yeah you’re so fucking noble, so then what happened?” Yondu stated, more to himself than anyone else.

“My aunt contacted me and told me about you, about this kid who was sick, but was special, and suggested that I should join…try to keep an eye on him. She and my mum are sisters.” Alezduren finished weakly, causing Yondu to just roll his eyes, he wasn’t stupid, Alezduren had no father everyone knew that.

However, the next response in the room was Kraglin chuckling darkly, “Yeah, and you failed at that didn’t you”. Kraglin let himself get angry, while Peter seemingly in the throes of a nightmare gasped suddenly, causing Yondu to grow concerned. And immediately begun to prepare Peter for the journey, injecting the necessary drugs into his veins, following the instructions to the letter while Kraglin continued.

“You know, you were here for a month when I updated the crew records, got all your details. Why the fuck didn’t you at least tell me the truth? Why the fuck did you keep this quiet, Alezduren?”

“I was scared, and it was the first name I could think of, all I did was…”

“Yeah, mix up the letters of your name, I’m not stupid you bastard, All the times you said you know a “Healer”, all those bloody times, why didn’t you tell me it was her, why the fuck didn’t you tell me that?” Yondu demanded, of his Crewman

"I didn’t know what you would say, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know if you would kill me or take him".

 

Yondu thought for a moment, the fact that Alezduren knew, was something he never thought he would have to deal with. But he looked up at the hybrid not bothering to hide the pissed off look on his face. “I would have taken him in a second, Alezduren…I know I fucked up this kid, but so have you, don’t you ever think I’m going to let you forget this”.

 

Peter jerked once more, and cried out, causing Yondu to worry he was on the verge of fitting again, and perhaps to remind everyone of what was really important.

“Are you going to kill me Yondu?”, Alezduren asked, naturally the bastard was in self-preservation mode, which Yondu didn’t blame, but Writusa stink was still in his body, and right now he didn’t give a shit.

“No, no I’m not. I’m not going fucking waste my time on you, but I’m not going to kill you. You know too much, and you’re a good Ravager, I’m just fucked off right now”. The tone of his voice made it clear that it wasn’t but the hybrid was grateful for that.

Alezduren just nodded, but this wasn’t over, and Kraglin made it clear when the second mate stepped forward and punched him in the jaw, “You bastard, all the times we screwed, and you couldn’t tell me…just fuck you. If you ever go into heat again, I’m going to make sure no one touches you but me. I’m going to make you beg on your knees for sex, like the little bitch you are”. Kraglin hissed, not even bothering to hide the look of hurt on his face, before turning around, and making his way back to his Captain, and the teenage boy.

“Orders Sir?”, It was very few times that Kraglin called Yondu “Sir”, but Yondu wasn’t going to question it, he knew the pair had hooked up. But emotions were few and far between within the place, and this really wasn’t the time to even think about that.

“Turn the Elector over to Horuz, you’re coming with me…and you” Yondu turned to Alezduren, “Get my ship prepared, you’re coming too. Hell, you’re related to that Healer bitch after all”.

Alezduren didn’t object to his auntie being referred to as a “bitch”, because no one would have been that stupid, but Alezduren stepped away. He didn’t run, but moved as quickly, just to get out of the room, while Kraglin and Yondu, were quiet for a second.

“This is too fucked up” Kraglin finally said, still hurting from Alezduren’s betrayal, but Yondu understood, and gently fun his hand over Peter’s sunken cheek, and received a flicker of response.

“Everything is fucked up right now”, but he gestured to Kraglin to get a blanket for the teenager. Between them, they managed to maneuverer Peter, who didn’t respond to this gentle treatment, but he at least looked peaceful.

“Come on Peter”, Yondu whispered more to himself, “We’re going back to Knowhere.”

 

To be continued xx

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, for anyone confused, please read the first ever part called The Signs That Yondu cares, and Alezduren was never meant to be connected to the Healer. It was when I was trying to figure out a name for him, I realised who he should be. So this chapter really is a long time coming. Is it a good twist or not?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, Ok new chapter. Peter is still suffering, Yondu is trying to help, but this is something he can’t control

**The Shattering of the Mind. Chapter Six**

On the way to Knowhere, Yondu was seated in the aft chair with Peter who still hadn’t made much of a sound. Yondu had been expecting a reaction when he approached Horuz with the catatonic teenager and told him that he was now in charge for a while.

He thought Horuz would be pissed by this, but instead look bothered, and couldn’t take his eyes off Peter. “Is he going to be alright?” The Xandarian asked, which was a question no one could answer. So Yondu just kept silent.

Even though no one was obvious about it, every one of the crew was stealing quiet looks to the pair of them, hell let the speculation run riot, Yondu wasn’t going to tell them anything because no one, not even he knew.

Setting off through Space, Alezduren having grown up in the area was happy to take the controls, while Kraglin looked over the charts, and just seethed in anger.  However, he was a professional even Yondu picked up on it. If Peter wasn’t unconscious perhaps he would have said something.

Even with the tension in the room and the silence between the pair, was deafening and after about an hour into the journey, Alezduren spoke up

“You know I never lied to you, about it”. There was a bit more silence until Kraglin spoke up, his voice defiantly flat, “No, you just didn’t tell me. That’s worse Az, that’s the worst thing”.

Sitting there, Yondu just observed, and even though he wasn’t a poet or that inclined for relationships, yet no one would mistake that look of hurt on Kraglin’s tight jaw.

Hell Yondu knew being the First Mate was one of the hardest jobs. And Kraglin just didn’t it without question, but to care for Alezduren, like that, that was a surprise. But Yondu knew Kraglin was easy going and surprised himself when he hoped that both of them would be ok eventually.

Stretching his legs out, Yondu had ages to go to Knowhere and Peter murmured a few times, and his eyelids flickered but his face was so pale and desperate looking, it was a reminder of how much he looked like when he was eight years’ old. Then he was travelling to the same location with the then eight-year-old unconscious and fitting on the floor.

Back then Yondu was reluctant to hold him, but now he was in his arms willing him to survive a little bit longer since his breath was still coming out slightly ragged.

Also, Yondu knew that healing his body, was one thing, but his mind. He had tried to ignore the cut marks on his arm, but they were impossible to ignore. Peter had done that, and the fact that he had done that was all Yondu’s fault.

Approaching Knowhere, Yondu noticed Peter jerking suddenly, as they passed through the Celestial skull which made up the so-called planet but decided not to mention it.

While Alezduren having spent so much time there, docked in a secure area, and the three got to their feet and left the M-Ship.

In the organised chaos of the Knowhere, Alezduren knew all the backstreets, and they were able to avoid most of the crowds, and grime. Until they came to the Healing Centre, and a very familiar woman was standing outdid just waiting for them. Even though none of them had let them know, perhaps she had been standing there for hours with the look of disdain on her face.

Healer Raziel summarised the situation in an instant, and though her expression didn’t change, Yondu could see the combination of disdain and shock in her eyes. However, she was a professional, a bitch, but professional. And with a wave of her hand, she led them into the building and into a large private room.

It was more hi-tech then anything they had on the Elector, but Yondu carefully laid him down on the biobed. Yondu heard Raziel hiss more to herself when she saw the extent of the abuse on Peter’s body, but once again she said nothing and just got to work

 

One the bio bed, everyone just stood back and let the Healer do her, even though she had activated the scans which were combing through Peter’s body, she had finally found her voice and had a lot to say.

“Dangerously underweight. About thirty-five kilograms, that the weight for a ten-year-old, under height, at five-foot, should be several inches taller than that”. Raziel threw a look to Yondu who was aware of this and had tried and failed to sort that out. Peering into Peter’s mouth, she made an observation, “Enamel wear on the back of the teeth, but fingers, no evidence of Scars or red marks on the fingers or knuckles”.

“What does that mean?” Yondu asked confused by all this statement.

“It means, Peter’s being sick constantly, but hasn’t been making himself sick” came the harsh reply, from Healer Raziel.

“He doesn’t eat much” interjected Kraglin, “We tied, but he struggled to eat anything”.

“I’m not a bit surprised, bad diet, lack of nutrition, his body had been starved of nutrients, he’s been self-harming, as you can see and his brainwaves”. Raziel stopped suddenly, “are all over the place”.

Peter seemed to give a small twitch, as the Healer run a hand through his hair, while she enhanced the screens, which was more technical and expensive than anything they had on the Elector.

“What the hell is that?” Alezduren said out loud. “I’ve run through his brain scans dozens of times; I never saw that”.

“Because I know what I’m looking for, here” She pointed to Peter’s brain, the scan illuminated the portions in different colours.

“There are signs of trauma to his Amygdale. Do you know what that is?” She asked the Ravagers, and Alezduren looked like he was going to open his mouth to say yes, but carefully kept silent.

“It’s a part of the brain The amygdala in embedded deep in a Terrans brain, is activated when someone is emotionally challenged, receiving memories, sexual arousal, anger, pleasure, sorrow, fear.

“Peter’s not sexually active”, Yondu said quickly before the Healer said anything about that, “No and from the look of this, that’s impossible. It’s not activated when someone is clinically depressed”.

“So Peter’s depressed, you can fix him?” Kraglin spoke up. Hell if it was depression, that could do something about that, even though they suspected this was what it was and had done nothing until now, something Kraglin did feel wrong about.

However, the Healer just shook her head, “I can fix his brain, but not the depression, but there is something else. There is something wrapped around the Amygdala, and as you can see.”

Raziel enhanced the screen, so all of them could see it, deep into Peter’s brain, within the layers of the mind, they could see It, starting from that point, but expanding out, touching his neck and continuing downward. It looked like it had stated at the neck and had travelled up towards his bran and down his spine, but was golden and against the scans it stood out, unnatural and looked like it was alive.

“There is something, from his father’s world, and yes I know he’s a half-celestial, but from, this “She expanded the screen once more, “It looks like the scar tissue which is two years old, so what the hell happened?”

Everyone just looked at each other, but since Alezduren was the field medic and aware of how he had screwed up, begun to tell them everything, how Peter had been abducted for several weeks, how he had come back different, and continually scratching his neck.

Something they now knew was an indicator of what was happening, pissing off the elite of the Nova society and his abduction, beating, death in the vacuum of space, then his sudden revival, which had led to epilepsy and they knew from this moment self-harming.

There was silence for a moment, while the Healer digested this information, which did surprise Yondu, he thought she was a total bitch, but she had saved Peter’s life when he was stricken with meningitis.

And instead of addressing Yondu, she came over to Alezduren and slapped him hard across the head, causing the hybrid to grab the side of his head.

“You damn fool, how the hell could you let this happen. Do you know how sick he is? You idiot, you were meant to keep an eye on him, but you never told me about this”.

“I didn’t know, and then he died and came back, and I couldn’t tell them who I was", came the pathetic reply, and even Alezduren knew that, while the Healer exclaimed, “You have really disappointed me”. Perhaps because she was a few inches shorter than the hybrid or because she sounded like a mother, Yondu suddenly suppressed the urge to laugh.

“But Peter’s stable now, so follow me, all of you.”

The trio had no choice but to follow her to the waiting room, but she could resist saying a few words to Yondu before she left him to continue working on his boy. “You have really fucked him up, do you realise that?” But she walked away before Yondu could respond to that.

 

In the hours which followed, Yondu was just content to sit there, but the tension between Alezduren and Kraglin was becoming unbearable.

“You have to talk to me eventually,” Alezduren finally spoke up too which Kraglin sarcastically retorted. “Yeah imagine if you had talked earlier, then all of this could have been avoided”. Too which Yondu just rolled his eyes and looked out at the glass, thinking over everything

So that poxy thing been in his head for almost two years, Yondu thought back. Was then when it started, his depression? So much had happened, yes that must have been it, the moment Peter really started asking for a beach trip after his abduction. He was gone for three weeks, that was when, and no one had known for two years.

 

 It was a short while later that the Healer came through the door, and summoned only Yondu to follow her back to the room, but Yondu felt like he had to say something. God even after all these years, she still managed to wind him up, and he felt like he had to prove he wasn’t a bastard.

Turning into the room, the remainder of Peter’s clothes had been removed, and he looked content with a nutrient drip threading through his veins, Yondu couldn’t help the gutted feeling in his heart.

 “I don’t care how much it costs can you fix him”. He asked Raziel, who just signed.

 “I can remove whatever it is I his head, but right now, he needs to rest, he’s receiving nutrients because he’s so dehydrated, but I need to speak to him first. Because if I’m going to take it out, Peter has to be conscious through it.

Yondu just gave her a confused look, so the Healer continued. “Even if I do the surgery there’s a chance he won’t pull through”.

 

**To be continued**

**Please review xx**


	7. Chapter 7

 

**Ok new chapter, Yondu and Peter finally have a conversation. This is angst of the highest order**

**Chapter seven**

Peter was aware of movement around, and things going into his body, along with hushed voices. His body felt exposed, and he shivered from an imagined coldness. He didn’t want to open his eyes, he had messed up so badly, he just wanted to hide away and die, never wake up again.

Instead, he heard a feminine hand, combing through his scraggly blonde hair. “Peter’s its ok, you’re safe to wake up”.

In the recesses of his mind, the voice felt familiar, and he finally opened his eyes glanced around, and immediately begun to panic.

“It’s ok, you’re ok. We’re here to help you” Peter focused on the Kree female in front of his, she had sharp features, but her eyes were kind, and Peter tried to wet his parched lips.

“Where am I”, his voice sounded mumbled, distanced from the rest of his body, and he felt so lightheaded.

“You’re on Knowhere, you’re at the Healing Centre, Yondu brought you here when you were eight. I treated you back then. Do you remember?”

The voice was so kind, and Peter tried to remember but his head so much and all his thoughts went to Yondu, “Yondu brought me here, but he hates me”.

Just vocalising the words, Peter could hear the beating of machines and knew it was the sound of his heartbeat, while the Healer just stroked his hair, causing Peter to begin calming down.

“No he doesn’t, Peter there is something I need to tell you, and you need to listen. It won’t be easy, but do you remember last year, just after your thirteenth birthday, when you were abducted…”

Peter just listened and tried to take it in, from his abduction to the moment that feeling begun, his sense of worthlessness, and pain. And started to feel more distraught with every word that Healer Raziel was saying, and couldn’t stop the tears falling down his face, and soaking into the pillow.

“It was all in my head, it wasn’t real”. He managed to say, to which the Healer’s voice dropped to a more comforting manner.

“No Peter, what you’re feeling is real, your depression is real, what caused it was unnatural, but nothing else was”.

“He hates me, he just does. The voice in my head said he did and he stopped caring”. Peter’s body was racked with sobs. “I came back wrong, and he didn’t want me anymore”.

Healer Raziel just shook her head, “Peter he does, he’s worried about you. That’s why he brought you back to me so I could treat you.”

Peter tried to stop the tears, but they just wouldn’t stop falling. “No, he doesn’t, he doesn’t. I messed up so badly, I couldn’t stop it. I tried but It just wouldn’t stop hurting, and I couldn’t stop fitting, and then he started to hate me”.

Out of Peter’s view, Yondu was leaning against a wall, listening to every word and feeling more wretched, and just couldn’t take it anymore, and came over to the bed. At the sight of his Captain, Peter immediately tied to inch back, seemingly terrified of Yondu’s reaction.

“I’m sorry, Yondu, I’m so sorry” Peter pleaded, which caused Yondu a stab of guilt, after all, he had done to the boy, and Peter was the one who thought he had done something wrong. How the hell was he meant to rectify that?

Yondu got closer to the bed, intending to touch Peter’s hair in a comforting manner like he usually did, but Peter was conscious and recoiled slightly as if scared of Yondu’s touch.

“Peter this isn’t you, that thing inside your head, they need to take it out, and it’s very dangerous”.

“But will I be normal again will it stop how I feel?” Peter asked if that was the most important thing causing the Healer and Yondu to share a look. “No”. The Healer finally said, and Peter just looked away for a moment digesting this information while the Healer explained.

“No Peter it won’t, you have depression. We can give you medication for that, but we can’t cure that. But we can make you feel better, but there are risks and serious ones”.

Peter just lay there feeling confused while this Healer and Yondu tried to explain everything.

Surgery, delicate surgery on the brain, cutting his head open, and taking out what was there and the pressure on his brain and heart could cause it to stop. Every time he had a seizure, it had sent his mind in turmoil, and the impact on his brain was causing too much damage. Either way, he was screwed.

It was overwhelming and Yondu, was just sitting there making him feel more wretched, and he wanted Yondu to leave but wanted him to say, and begin to feel like he was about to fit again.

“Peter, we won’t do this surgery if you don’t want us to, but if we don’t, you are going to die” Yondu just said simply as he could, while Peter just looked away for a moment. For almost two years since his abduction, he had felt like this, felt like he was going crazy, and depressed and so alone. “Will I fit anymore?” He asked, and the Healer just smiled sadly. “No you won’t, whatever happens, you won’t suffer from any more seizures.”

Peter just swallowed, and looked away again, then turned his gaze back to the pair. “Please, can you do it”. Internally Peter felt like he was dead already, had for months and felt indifferent about it, and knew that he shouldn’t.

Healer Raziel just nodded and left the room to make the arrangements, and Yondu felt awkward for a moment, with Peter on the biobed, thin and scared, and entirely tortured with what was happening to him.

“Yondu, I’m sorry, I’m just so sorry” Peter just sobbed continuously, which caused Yondu to feel worse, why the hell was Peter apologising for this. In a bid to be reassuring, he run his hands over the boys scarred arms, which caused Peter to jerk his skinny limbs, “Didn’t want you to see them.  I never wanted you to see them”.

“Peter you could have come to me”, even saying it, Yondu knew he was just bullshitting himself, Peter couldn’t and wouldn’t, and he knew that.

“No I couldn’t, I was ashamed, and then you didn’t want me anymore, and I did it to stop the pain and feel something, stop feeling like I did. But you didn't care”. Peter took a shaky breath, “didn’t care if I lived or died”.

Yondu's harsh words were once again a slap in the face for him, and he felt a stab of guilt.

“Peter…I took it out on you, I shouldn’t have. It wasn't about you” Yondu said as calmly as he could

 

“Then what was it about?” Peter demanded through the tears, which Yondu failed to answer which didn’t help Peter at all.

“Just my shit and my mistake. I know I screwed it up with you, but I’m going to make it right.”

“How? They can take it out, but can't stop how I feel, can you? Can you?” Peter's voice rose in pitch, and he looked deflated for a second against the bed.

“She told me I could die, but I’ve died before haven’t I, more than once”.

Peter needed an answer in the affirmative, so Yondu gave him one.

“Yeah, you have, and I was there for all of them, I’ll be there for ya, now”.

These were reassuring words, and Peter just relaxed further and begun to slip into a natural sleep.

“Yondu, I’m not scared, I know it’s going to hurt, but can you not leave me, please. Just please don’t leave me” Peter was calming down, thankfully, now too exhausted to cry anymore which Yondu was grateful for.

“Peter, I won’t. I’ll be by your side. I promise”. Yondu reassured the teenager, and the machine reading out his heart responded to this, and Peter was calming down further.

“Yondu, this thing in my brain, why would someone do that to me?” Peter mumbled more to himself just seeing an answer which Yondu tried to give.

“I reckon, someone out there knew what you meant to… the crew and decided to punish me for it”.

“Why would he do that?” Peter quieted, sleep still encroaching, and his green eyes just looked dimmer.

Because your fathers an egomaniac, murdering bastard, who thought you might be useful to him after he killed all your siblings.  Yondu thought

“Because he thought you meant something to me”.

These were the wrong words, and both of them shifted uncomfortably.

“But I don’t mean anything to…”

Peter was now asleep, with the Healer out of the room, and the pair was alone. Yondu could say nothing. Almost two years of this, there was nothing to say. All he could do was hope the teenager sailed through the operation, but what happened after that. Yondu was clueless.

 

**Please review**

**Also, I’m going to be offline for a week. I’m going on holiday, which should be fun. but next chapter will be the surgery xx**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Final Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, well finally manage to finish this. You know how sometimes the fanfic fairy is in motion and it’s easy to write something, well this one was really difficult. I really hope I did I good enough job. And here it is.

 

**The Shattering of the Mind**

**Chapter Eight. The Final Chapter**

Peter just slept silently, while Yondu could hear Raziel setting everything up for the surgery, which would change or end his life. Yondu was trying hard not to think about that, about how he had screwed the teenager over.

Waiting, however, was terrible, and Yondu just wanted to get it over and done with. At this stage, it felt like everyone was hovering around just waiting for something to happen.

Peter seemed to echo this statement when he woke up a few hours later. “I just want it done”, he mumbled which made Yondu press his lips tightly. A comment like that was more like the Peter of old, impatient and determined.

However, it was only a few moments later that Healer Raziel came in to tell them that everything was ready before she left the room again.  Instantly Peter tensed up, which was involuntary, and Yondu just brushed his hands through the teen's hair.

For Peter, he knew that he could die, but that didn’t bother him, anything to alleviate the feeling in his chest and mind which he still couldn’t believe wasn’t real. But was caused by something someone had done to him.  Peter recalled the man in black, which seemed to change his body and couldn’t help the cold feeling in his heart at the terrible memory.

He couldn’t say anything to Yondu, but Peter was scared, and Yondu seemed to pick up on that, as he silently brushed his hands through Peter’s hair.

It seemed like forever when Healer Raziel came back into the room, Kraglin and Alezduren, who Yondu had dismissed had returned, and he noticed seemed more open with each other, and the Healer wanted them around if they were needed to keep Peter calm. Alezduren especially.

Peter was instructed to lay still, as he was picked up with ease and placed on a gurney, and with the rest of the Ravagers following he was led through the building. Peter just looked and felt so frightened that Yondu grabbed his hand, and the teenager squeezed it tightly.  Peter was trying not to cry, but it was so painful.

 Mentally everyone was trying to play it down what was going to happen, but entering the operating room, no one could deny the severity of this due to the equipment in the place.

It was more expensive than what they had on the Elector, and Yondu seriously had no idea what most of it did. All these machines, with the tubes and valves, were just waiting to be used, used on the boy which caused Yondu some more concern, which he refused to show.  

Alezduren having some basic medical training and knowing Peter’s medical history had been instructed to act as an assistant, even though no one cared. Perhaps it was the Healer’s way of punishing him, after all, while Kraglin just hung back against a wall wishing he was anywhere but there.

Instructing Peter, to lie on his stomach by the Healer, Peter just tried to keep still as the hair on the back of his neck, and head was shaved off. Even though he didn’t know he could feel colder, he shivered as the sterile gel was applied to his body, followed by a sharp needle.

“I’m sorry, but this is going to hurt”, Peter heard the Healer say, just before every nerve ending in his body, suddenly burst into flames. It felt like a fierce energy entering his body, and he tried not to scream in shock, as he could feel his brain firing in all directions, and his eyes widened in pain.

“Brainstem reactive, we’re good to go” Raziel stated, as with the aid of Alezduren Peter was pulled up the bed, and only to the transparent field, hovering in the air like it was water.

“Peter, I know this is scary, but I’m going to place you in this, it means you won’t be able to move during the surgery, but you need to try to keep calm”. Raziel was trying to be reassuring but Peter just look terrified, but nodded while his head and arms passed through the field, leaving him trapped, and unable to move.

“Oh god, oh god” Peter just whispered to himself, while Yondu brought his hand to caress Peter’s face in a bid to be reassuring, even though it apparently had no effect from the sounds of Peter’s vitals which were still all over the place.

Even though the Healer had dropped her voice to a whisper, Yondu and even Peter could hear everything.

“Ok, make the incision, here,” She said pointing to the back of his neck. And Yondu couldn’t help but tense up when the scalpel pierced his skin, and Peter just gasped.

Peter, felt like every inch of his body was on fire, He just wanted it over, wanted to scream, wanted to die. His mind was so blurry, and he could feel, actually feel the hands digging into the back of his skull.

Fat tears fell on the ground, and he couldn’t help the sobs. Then a familiar face appeared in view, “Peter don’t think about it, look at me, look at me boy”. Yondu instructed the teen and Peter managed to look up and tried to focus on Yondu’s confirming words.

 

You can do this, you’re a tough little fucker, and everyone knows it” Yondu told the teen while Peter managed to look at the face of his Captain even though his gaze was so blurry.

“It hurts so much” Peter managed to gasp, while Yondu just shook his head.

“I know it does, but it’s this, and soon you’ll be fine”.

Peter couldn’t take his eyes off Yondu, as he heard. “I’ve found the source, shit this is going to be difficult, what are his stats?”

“Heartrate elevated, this will have to be quick”. Another voice, while Yondu noticed out of the corner of his eye, the shocked looks on the faces on Alezduren and Kraglin, and couldn’t resist looking over the teen's shoulder. Blood was pouring down Peter’s body which wasn’t a priority, but seeing his brain being ripped apart like that, and the hands going through his skull. Fuck, and he had done that, caused all of this to happen and Yondu knew it.

“It hurts Yondu”, Peter moaned, and the Centaurian dropped his head back down to meet Peter’s sobbing face.

“It’s ok, Peter, you’re doing fine”, then Yondu noticed a look crossing Raziel’s face which wasn’t that encouraging.

“I’m sorry Yondu, I’m, so sorry” Peter kept repeating which was starting to irritate Yondu, but if this would help the kid, so be it.

“I want to go home”, Peter sobbed to himself, while caused Yondu to bring his eyes to Peter’s level to meet his gaze. “Peter you can’t go back to Terra, you know that”.

“Not Terra I want to go home, I’ll be good there, I’ll work harder. I promise”. Peter's face was drenched with tears, while Yondu tried to be comforting.

“No more working for ages, just be a kid for a bit” Yondu responded, while Peter it was clear would have shaken his head if he could at that comment.

Yondu could hear, Raziel working through Peter’s brain and Peter could feel everything. “It’s cold”, he mumbled to himself, as Yondu looked up to see more instruments being inserted into the back of Peter’s head.

“It’s almost there, I can see it” Raziel exclaimed, whole Peters heart rate jumped immediately, “Shit, right, it’s embedded too deep, we have to pull it whole”.

“That’s too dangerous”. Alezduren spoke up, while Raziel who was still pissed at her nephew just looked up.

“I know that, but we have no choice, his hearts all over the place”. The healer informed everyone in the room, and everyone took a collective breath, while Raziel drove the scalpel in.

“Kraglin get over here” Yondu instructed his First Mate who almost hesitantly came over, “Just stay with him for a moment the Captain said, moving aside for a moment, just to see what the hell was going on.

Kraglin came down, and with his hands brushed Peter’s tears away gently. “It won’t be long” was all he could say, shit this wasn’t what he signed up for.

“I fucked it up Kraglin, I fuked everything up”. Internally Kraglin almost rolled his eyes, how often had he heard that speech from Yondu, over the last few days, shit everything was screwed up, and everyone knew that.

“Yeah we know, but we’re gonna make it right” was all Kraglin only could reply, while Yondu straightened up and his jaw just dropped. From where he was standing, with Peter’s fragile body all open and on display in a sea of blood and tissue which Alezduren was hastily mopping up to.

He could see that damn thing being pulled out from the back of Peter’s neck. It was golden, just like the marks that appeared on his body and moving as it was alive, like the tendrils which had wrapped around his brain and had caused all this.

It liked like something found in the ocean, but that thing g looked like it was supernatural, which had been twisted around the child’s head. “It’s wrapped in too tight, we have to pull it out” Raziel gave Yondu a look, and he understood, while he dived back to the teenager.

“Peter this is it, just take a deep breath”. Peter just forced his eyes on Yondu’s red pupils, gasped and bit his lower lip. And everyone became aware of the sickening squelching sound.

Kraglin immediately backed away, his pale face managing to become more pallid from what was going on, but he had to see it, to see the living thing all golden and unnatural, being yanked from the teenager’s head.

It looked like two feet of living tissue, and to everyone perhaps imagination, seemed to be screaming in agony to being ripped apart. Followed by Peter just opening his mouth and letting go the most guttural shriek of pain, Yondu had ever heard. This was the cry of a child who had lost everything and was fighting for survival.

“It’s clear,” Raziel said after one more yank, and Peter exhausted sagged against the force field, just gasping, while everyone took a look at that thing. It seemed to be still alive, moving as if it was trying to get back into the teenager’s body, swiftly Raziel moved back still holding it away from herm before placing it in a stasis box

“I’m going to need to do an autopsy on it, see if there was something else in there” she informed everyone while Yondu tried to understand what it was, but his eyes focused onto the teen. Peter’s eyes were half slits, and he just moaned to himself as if trying to say something but failing.

“It’s ok, boy you’re going to be alright now”. Yondu stoked the teenager's wet face, but Peter was now unconscious finally.

“Ok, drop the force field, let’s get this kid stitched up”. Raziel said and with a flicker the field which had been restraining Peter dropped, and he was instantly pulled back to the bed. While all Yondu could do was watch and wait, his eyes focusing on the box containing that bastard thing, and all thought went back to that bastard father of his.

From what Raziel was saying and from what Peter had told him, he knew this wasn’t over

Not yet.

 

**The End**

**Ok, closing the chapter here, but the next one will be sort of angsty, but Yondu and Peter are trying to sort it out.**

**Please review xxx**

 


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